i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
