You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
