Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
