guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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