Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
