I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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