Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
