It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
