When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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