I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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