You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
