that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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