this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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