Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
