READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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