i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
