is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
