Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
