I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize