i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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