i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
