R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize