I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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