i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is Oprah even human
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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