uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
