This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
