The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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