he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
