Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you still have your period?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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