remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
