What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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