Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
