Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
