The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
