the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
