bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
