Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
