are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
