no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
