u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
