My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
