his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize