And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
