The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You made out with two different species that night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
