Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
