watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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