you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
