Already got asked if we're dating
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We left the knife in your bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
