All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
