I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And then he peed in my hair
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