will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
