sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
