The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
