So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
