Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
