But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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