Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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