i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize