I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
