do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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