I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
