when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize