I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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