Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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