So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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