Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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