i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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