party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
