I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
