i will never coherently bang her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
